Please Don’t Make Me Om

Tags

balance, MS, Yoga

The Yoga Paintings of Jan Hyde

I had always disliked yoga. I actually really loathed yoga. I just didn’t have the yoga personality. I had things to do, people to see, places to go and you mean to tell me I need to cover myself in a blanket and do Shavasana?  If you have never practiced yoga, Google it. It’s the corpse pose. I guess I didn’t have an appreciation for lying still in a corpse-like posture while listening to meditation music and seagulls.  And the mere thought of oming in a room full of people made me want to snicker because it just seemed so silly.

I first tried yoga in a class that was held above the garage of a woman my sister knew. It was a nice studio and Mary seemed like a nice person, but each week when my mom, sister and I went, I felt more and more stressed. I found that I just couldn’t stand the slow pace; the quieting of the mind. I did the 6 week session and declared that yoga just wasn’t my sport. I tried it one more time at the local Y and the instructor showed up wearing jeans to teach the class and she would actually fall asleep, complete with loud snoring, during Shavasana. The only time she seemed like a yoga “teacher” was the time that I sat silently while everyone else omed their three oms; one to the room, one to the earth and one to the universe. She would look at me and sternly say, “let’s try that one more time.”  Please don’t make me om!

That was about 8 years ago and I had the idea in my head that yoga actually made me angry.  When my MS specialist told me that yoga was a very good exercise for people with MS, I still avoided it for several months. On one of my last rides home from Pilates, I happened to drive by a studio that just caught my eye.  It was an old mill building with a brook running beneath it.  I went online, found the website and saw that the schedule was very flexible. There was no commitment to take a set amount of classes. My friend S had been trying to get me to revisit yoga and when I told her about this studio she tried a free class. She loved the place and assured me that there was no oming involved.  I decided to give it a go.  It was a large, but not too large, stylishly Zen studio, comfortably warm and dimly lit.  I immediately felt comfortable there.  The first class I tried was a Vinyasa Sundown Flow and it was very physical.  I felt challenged in that it required a lot of upper body strength and the instructor moved rather quickly from one pose to the next, thus the flow aspect.   It was nothing like any yoga class I had ever done and while maybe that class was too physical for a beginner, I bought a five class pass and started trying different classes twice a week.

One of my favorite classes is the beginner class on Monday mornings and I find it to be a fantastic way to begin the week.  On sunny days, the large windows that wrap around three sides of the studio, provide yoga mat sized sunny patches that make me feel like a cat in the sunshine.  The instructor is so warm and engaging, I would probably om while standing on my head if that is what she asked of me.  While that was probably an exaggeration,  I have been known to now om on occasion and it no longer feels wrong to me.  Shavasana has become my favorite part of class.  Last night I went to a gentle yoga with mediation class and the instructor went around the class during this quiet time, massaging each students head and using aromatherapy oil to give a blessing on our foreheads.  It felt amazing to have my MS rattled head pampered in such a way.  I have also participated in a work shop that was 3 hours of restorative poses, which essentially was an afternoon of creative Shavasana and was simply amazing.

I have caught yoga fever and I’m not looking for a cure.  Whether or not you have a specific health issue, yoga seems to be an all around whole body fitness routine that not only engages your physicality, but also your mind.  As anyone with MS has experienced, closing your eyes while standing straight with arms at your side results in an automatic swaying of the body, but yoga has improved this for me personally as it is excellent for challenging your balance.  I highly recommend it and suggest that you don’t give up before trying it at several studios to find your comfort zone. May the pure light of your spirit shine and guide you through each day… Namaste.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Tags

Acupuncture, Chinese Medicine, Copaxone, Gilenya, MS, ms specialist, Multiple Sclerosis, Terry Wahls, Tysabri, Yoga

John William Waterhouse: Pandora, 1896

I received an early Christmas gift on December 6, 2011. It wasn’t a gift in the traditional sense, but it is definitely one that I have yet to finish unwrapping. This gift was delivered in the form of a telephone call from my MS specialist. I had been waiting to hear from Dr. K since my early November follow up MRI. Describing this as a gift may lead you to believe that the phone call delivered some good news; a clean MRI. On the contrary, Dr. K was calling to tell me that she had just read my MRI and that I had two new spots on my brain, “They aren’t in an area of great concern, but we need to consider a new medication for you.”  She went on to recite her often repeated list of the various options and before she could continue, I asked her if it was just too soon after starting the Copaxone; maybe I would have had spots in areas that were of concern if not for the Copaxone.

I felt like a junky, defending my drug of choice. My healing euphoria was being challenged. It was the beginning of my intervention. Had I been fooled into a false sense of empowerment, while only shooting blanks? My troop of one was about to have a very serious drop in morale. I was having a hard time paying attention to Dr. K as she spoke, after all, I was in the parking lot of Walmart preparing to meet my husband to buy Christmas lights. She caught me by surprise, though I had been waiting to hear from her since the first week in November and it was now already December.

I interrupted her spiel about the medication choices, and asked her if she could just send me the information. I was sitting in my car; I didn’t even have a pen. My expectations, once again, were a little out of sync with the reality because what I thought she would send was a letter, or maybe an email, with personal and professional opinion regarding these choices.  What I really wanted to know was, if she were me, what would she choose for herself?  If I were her sister or her mother, what would she recommend. What I received instead, two days later, were three large envelopes delivered by Fed Ex, containing glossy brochures, produced by the pharmaceutical companies, touting the various drug I was to once again consider.  I also came home to a message from my insurance company’s home delivery service which was waiting to ship my Copaxone refills.  They were calling to arrange it.  I guess I needed to decide quickly. I emailed Dr. K to thank her for the advertisements; the information I could have just as easily obtained on the web; the glossy ads showing smiling paid spokes-MSers walking through wheat fields unassisted. I also needed to ask her if I should refill my medication for at least one more month while making my decision.  She quickly, immediately in fact, replied in all capital letters: DO NOT REFILL YOUR COPAXONE.  Was this really happening?  If the MRI was so dire, why did it take her a month to call me? She apologized for not calling sooner.  She didn’t know I had rescheduled the MRI because no one had sent her the results.

You may still be wondering why this disappointing phone call is being described as a gift.  Up until 3:07 pm on December 6, I had, for lack of a better phrase, been feeling pretty groovy.  I was the master of my domain.  A soldier with a perfect kill rate. I had been giving myself daily injections, not having any noticeable side effects, still not having finished informing all of my family, when just like that, I’m told it’s not working.  I was more devastated from that phone call, than I was the day I was diagnosed.  But here is the gift I began to unwrap on that day; I finally faced up to reality and I told my youngest son I have MS. I began to talk about my MS with my husband.  I felt as though I was finally shedding the last bits of denial that I had been clinging to despite the comfort it was affording.  It marked my first effort at truly seeking out alternative treatment options beyond the medication I had been banking on.  I needed to take back control and the call was a gift because it motivated me to do that.

I called my MS specialist and told her I wasn’t changing medications.  I was going to stay on the Copaxone for a while longer, and try other means of amplifying its effectiveness.  After researching my options I decided that the cons of the other medications far outweighed the pros.  Dr. K recommended Tysabri or Gilenya; she wanted to take an aggressive approach.  I couldn’t see making myself sicker to prevent that which may never come, or that which may possibly be inevitable.  It was at this time that my daughter happened to mention that she saw a YouTube video about dietary changes used in controlling the effects of MS.  I watched the Terry Wahls lecture and immediately decided to give the diet a try.  I’ve never eaten better in my life, and while it’s too soon to tell, I really hope it works.  It makes me feel very “clean” and clear headed, though it could be argued that it’s a combination of all the other changes I’ve incorporated.  I made an appointment for acupuncture and continue to go for treatments once a week.  I found a yoga class that I now participate in twice a week and I simply love it.  I began practicing Qi Gong everyday.  I started doing things specifically targeted towards a positive focus for healing.  I am not ready to throw medical science and pharmaceutical research out of the window, but there is also science behind the nutritional benefits of an Multiple Sclerosis diet.  There is science behind the benefits of Vitamin D3 supplements; I now take 4,000 IUs per day. My acupuncturist is a medical doctor and she truly believes in the merits of Chinese medicine.  I am beginning to see them as well.  The stress reduction value of yoga has long been established.  My mind became open to all these wonderful new concepts of energy healing; ironic seeing this disease is one in which your brain shrinks and mine seems to be growing.  The gift that I received with that December phone call is still being unwrapped.  I am relishing the tearing open of my gift, with the anticipation that the best is yet to come.

Please Accept This Gift

Tags

Acupuncture, Carl Honore, Relaxation, Yoga

“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.”  ~ Unknown

The other day while leaving Yoga, I noticed I was, once again, the last to leave the class. I told my teacher that it was a gift of MS that has caused me to take my time and relax.  It’s not that I am physically incapable of moving quickly.  I was always a darter, always rushed around and still could if I chose to.  I know that after Yoga I am very relaxed, I can just meander my way through the act of refolding my blanket, replacing my blocks, rolling my mat.  For some, moving quickly may no longer be an option, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.  My very wise daughter shared this video lecture with me, and I feel compelled to share it with all of you.  I wanted to post it this morning but I had an acupuncture appointment, so I didn’t have time; how ironic.  My Chinese acupuncturist, Dr. K, was talking about her upcoming Tai Chi conference, and said something so strangely coincidental, I couldn’t wait to come home and write it all down.  She told me that she starts her conference lecture by posing this question, “How long is the life span of a dog? How long is the life span of a tortoise?  We can learn a lot from a tortoise.” Please accept this gift.